What, you expected Dez to boff Skeezo The Freak Wizard and remain our good ol' fun-lovin' gal? That shit'll turn you into a monster faster than Pop Rocks and Clamato.
Coke gets all the hype, but Clamato is what really messes ya up with the Pop Rocks.
You happen to know any doctors that AREN'T psychotic bastards or fucked in the head for metaphysical ne'er-do-welling that could look into your brainpan?
This isn't Snape's fault, amazingly enough. He's just as pissed off at her as I am for this. I mean, human sacrifice, Wade. Fucking hell.
And Eiko's gonna take a look at the old noodle for me. I trust her a hell of a lot more than I'd trust some PCP who's sucking the dick of socialized medicine.
Christ as a Crackerjack prize, what the fuck is wrong with that dizzy bitch? THE GREEN FUCKING GOBLIN? He's an assclown with a flying surfboard the cackles and throws PUMPKIN BOMBS at people! That's a sad sack gig! I know, I was paid to do it for a while!
Am I gonna have to start making with the vivisections here?
Seriously, I know you're from the amazing year four hundred billion, so please, next time you take a job, run it by me first so I can warn you if it's some psychotic hunk of blonde-killing goofus from my neck of the woods, all right?
What the hell is going on? Really? Explain it like I'm a four-year-old.
Blonde-killing... Wade, Norman isn't going to kill me, okay? Jeez.
Oh, boy, where to begin?
Norman made a deal with an ancient evil and got god-like powers. He then saved Dez's life. In return for this, she performed a human sacrifice. Or six. Or more, I don't know. She wasn't the only one, though. Spider-Man caught wind of all this smeg and decided to arrest Norman because "with great power comes great blah blah blah." But he couldn't just march into the Labs and arrest GodNorm. So Spidey invented a machine to sever Norman's power while keeping Norm alive. When Spidey clued me in to all this, I had a hissy fit, and took a swing at our friendly neighborhood Spider-Man and then passed out due to cranial pain. Then he went and confronted Norman. Hermes got in the way, so Spidey shanked him. And that's when everything went banana shaped.
2.) What kind of human sacrifices are we talking about? Pretentious ass clowns all happy to die for stupid pageantry, or poor bastards yanked off the street? Because seriously, I am NOT RULING OUT VIVISECTIONS YET.
3.) What kind of God gives uberpowers to the Green Goblin?! Oh, wait, right, The Gods Must Be Crazy. There are no fucking Gods, they're all just supremely jacked up douchebags like Cornrow Man.
4.) Seriously WHAT THE FUCKIN' FUCK FUCK?!
5.) Spidey doesn't SHANK people! His whole schtick is no-lethal, ain't I better than you, I need a hero, I'm holdin' out for a hero til the end of the night and he's gotta be strong and he's gotta be... something else Bonnie Tyler likes!
6.) Why are you punching Spider-Man, huh? He's got Underoos, for Nipsey's sake! Only jackholes like me can punch Spider-Man!
2) Criminals, apparently. I don't know all the details there.
3) The Crawling Chaos, aka Nyartholep-she-doo or whatever. Getting into some Miskatonic University stuff there. Ain't my bag.
4) See my answer re: numero uno.
5) He shanked Hermes to get at Norman. And no more Bonnie Tyler in here, for the love of Pete and Pete.
6) I thought he was lying about all of the above shenanigans. So I took a poke at him. But, yannow, he's got spider senses and I was exhausted so I didn't connect.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 04:59 am (UTC)Coke gets all the hype, but Clamato is what really messes ya up with the Pop Rocks.
You happen to know any doctors that AREN'T psychotic bastards or fucked in the head for metaphysical ne'er-do-welling that could look into your brainpan?
no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 05:26 am (UTC)And Eiko's gonna take a look at the old noodle for me. I trust her a hell of a lot more than I'd trust some PCP who's sucking the dick of socialized medicine.
no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 06:04 am (UTC)All right, you need to stop talking to me like I understand any of this shit.
Dez is killing people for the gods now?
no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 06:14 am (UTC)Just for Norman.
And I stuck myself in the middle of it by getting a job at the Labs.
Next time, I'm just going to take up tatting.
no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 06:28 am (UTC)Am I gonna have to start making with the vivisections here?
no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 06:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 06:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 06:48 am (UTC)Word.
I'm almost tempted to kidnap her and have her deprogrammed somewhere.
no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 06:51 am (UTC)What the hell is going on? Really? Explain it like I'm a four-year-old.
no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 07:00 am (UTC)Oh, boy, where to begin?
Norman made a deal with an ancient evil and got god-like powers. He then saved Dez's life. In return for this, she performed a human sacrifice. Or six. Or more, I don't know. She wasn't the only one, though. Spider-Man caught wind of all this smeg and decided to arrest Norman because "with great power comes great blah blah blah." But he couldn't just march into the Labs and arrest GodNorm. So Spidey invented a machine to sever Norman's power while keeping Norm alive. When Spidey clued me in to all this, I had a hissy fit, and took a swing at our friendly neighborhood Spider-Man and then passed out due to cranial pain. Then he went and confronted Norman. Hermes got in the way, so Spidey shanked him. And that's when everything went banana shaped.
Any questions?
no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 07:12 am (UTC)1.) FUCKING WHAT THE FUCK?!
2.) What kind of human sacrifices are we talking about? Pretentious ass clowns all happy to die for stupid pageantry, or poor bastards yanked off the street? Because seriously, I am NOT RULING OUT VIVISECTIONS YET.
3.) What kind of God gives uberpowers to the Green Goblin?! Oh, wait, right, The Gods Must Be Crazy. There are no fucking Gods, they're all just supremely jacked up douchebags like Cornrow Man.
4.) Seriously WHAT THE FUCKIN' FUCK FUCK?!
5.) Spidey doesn't SHANK people! His whole schtick is no-lethal, ain't I better than you, I need a hero, I'm holdin' out for a hero til the end of the night and he's gotta be strong and he's gotta be... something else Bonnie Tyler likes!
6.) Why are you punching Spider-Man, huh? He's got Underoos, for Nipsey's sake! Only jackholes like me can punch Spider-Man!
no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 07:24 am (UTC)2) Criminals, apparently. I don't know all the details there.
3) The Crawling Chaos, aka Nyartholep-she-doo or whatever. Getting into some Miskatonic University stuff there. Ain't my bag.
4) See my answer re: numero uno.
5) He shanked Hermes to get at Norman. And no more Bonnie Tyler in here, for the love of Pete and Pete.
6) I thought he was lying about all of the above shenanigans. So I took a poke at him. But, yannow, he's got spider senses and I was exhausted so I didn't connect.
And you're not a jackhole.
no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 07:52 am (UTC)2. Oh, I feel so much better now. I'd like to see the list, see if I was scheduled for an execution-style execution.
3. Gnarlyschlep? My head hurts already. Really, sledgehammer everything.
4. I hate Gallagher, but I like sledgehammers.
5. Define "shanked." Spidey don't STAB people.
6. Spidey's good people, if he's a snotty twerp. He doesn't lie about shit.
Battle axe, maybe. Always wanted to swing one o' those things around.
no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 11:05 am (UTC)2) I'm too exhausted to tell if that's sarcasm or not.
3) I am now imagining you taking a sledgehammer to Cthulhu and it makes my head hurt.
4) Gallagher had one funny bit. The bit where he spelled "enough" and "through."
5) He stabbed both Hermes and Norman. With a knife attached to his machine to strip gods of their power. Which takes us into point:
6) I know he is. And I know he doesn't. I was in denial. You know me. When I don't like shit, I punch things 'til they go away.
Heh. Me too. And I still want to play with your sword.