h_hollister | Still in Los Angeles

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Still in Los Angeles

Staring out at the ocean at sunset on the end of the Santa Monica pier was supposed to be romantic, right?

Well, it was if you were actually there with somebody.

Alone, she watched the ferris wheel, the midway games, the roller coaster, light up with neon and tiny blinking bulbs. It all smelled of the ocean and hot dogs and tar and Los Angeles. Leaning back against the pier's railing, watching the fishermen pack up their gear for the day, watching the homeless unpack theirs for the night.

People watching. She loved people watching. After two years of being one of only six people left alive anywhere in the universe, having strangers around her again was something of a giddy relief.

Her time spent in the Nexus was starting to seem unreal. A world apart from this little ball of dumb she'd ensconced herself in.

Normal. Things were normal. Her life was normal. She'd been craving normal.

So why did it all suck so bad? Oh, right, she acted like a complete twat and pushed all her friends away.

She could hear Key now. "GIRL YOU ARE ACTING SO EMO KNOCK IT OFF OR I'LL SLAP YOU GOOD." Heh. Sorry, Key. Beds to be laid in, here. Since I made it this way, you know.

She decided on a whim to peek into the Nexus, see if there was anything interesting going on. Hide in the shadows, stay on the down low, keep herself to herself, yadda yadda yadda.

Walking down under the pier, she made a quick glance about for anybody, felt no eyes on her, and PINpointed into the Nexus.

Nothing really all that world shattering la la l...

Oh.

Oh.

Smeg.

She didn't even bother to stick around to reply. She PINpointed outta there right quick. Back to LA. Back to her ball of suck.

She remembered her time in Better Than Life, staring out at the Pacific again. How he'd come in after her. How he'd grabbed her out of the 'ocean' when that damn Game overwrote her consciousness and demanded that she go surfing.

He didn't believe her. And he never would. Beauty.

She made her way back to the Motel 6, wondering if Thunder would even be around. Funny. It seemed like they'd been avoiding each other. He was probably just as confused and as hurt as she was by all of this.

Bugger. Bloody smegging buggery buggery fuck.

That letter better arrive soon...

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*her phone rings*

Oh.

Oh, smeg.

Goddamn caller ID.

*ring*

Goddamn Nexus.

*ring*

Oh, goddamn him.

*rin-*

"Hello?"

"Beep-Beep Hip-Tang! Whaz happ'nin', baby?"

"Not much. Chillin'. Eating a hot dog from the Santa Monica pier. Wondering if my best friend'll ever speak to me again. Getting all hot and bothered with the former robot."

There. Happy, Wade? Goddamn it.

"Why, what's happening with you?"

"Waiiiit a minute, you're tellin' me of ALL the places you could Carmen Sandiego your ass off to, and you pick Shitholopolis?"

...

"And you got Emo Williams with you?"

"Eh, I'd never been before. Wanted to see if I could get on that tram and punch the animatronic shark. That movie seriously traumatized me when I was a kid."

...

"Yeah. I'm with Tee. He's out wandering again. I think he's trying to convince himself that I'm sane, or something."

"Well, here's some funsies for you. A.) Snape doesn't know how to use a telephone. B.) Snape's into some REAAAALY gross things. C.) I've got your gun for safe keeping. 4.) Snape sucks more ass than an accountant in prison. F.) They make an all-Crunchberries cereal now. Q.) Snape thought you were good buddies and was all discomfuckulated when it turns out you know that he sucks, and that's funny. Y.) Everyone'll breathe easier knowing where you are."

"So, how's Emo Phillips? He learn that urinal cakes are not really cake yet?"

"Wait, you and Snape had a pissing contest? And I missed it? Smegging hell! I hope you schooled his greasy ass, Wade."

Why am I shaking?

"I sent Dez a letter. If the USPS don't fuck it up as per usual, she should get it any day now. So fret not about that last point. I'm sorry I didn't tell you where I was going. I just had to bolt. It happens. You of all people should know that. And you goddamn well better give me my bazookoid back when I see you again. You've got enough toys that go boom.

"And Tee's..." ...really good in the sack and I'm kinda falling for him and shit I don't know what to do now Wade... "...fine. Getting a bit more used to being human. Hasn't set anybody on fire this week. Yet.

"Anything new with you?"

If you say nothing, Wade Wilson, I will throw the phone across the room, I swear I will.

"There was no PISSING involved. Jeez, what is it with you people and your scatological fetishes?"

"But hey, don't worry your foxy little ass about bolting. Christ, if my best friend was dead-set on marrying the greasiest prick this side of Slimer, I'd scram the hell outta Hoboken, too. I bet Louis Pr-Emo there was happy to skedaddle, too. I mean, the guy throws turds at people - he's like a monkey that somehow thinks he's more highly evolved than you are. Koko the gorilla can use a phone and he can't? What a maroon!"

"Anyway, it's just the usual bullshit on my end - multiple futile pinings, old flames rising from the dead, tryin' to get my hip-hop career off the ground. Whatcha think, is Smoove Papa Wade too old-school?"

"Yeah. Snape sucks serious amounts of suck. What a dillhole he is. I'm going to have to bust out my thesaurus so I can have all manner of synonyms for 'suck' on hand.... Wait. He literally threw shit at you? Oh, my god. Wade? You killed him, right? You pulled the merc-with-a-mouth bit and blew a hole right in his concave chest, yes?"

Then, trying to sound casual.

"Old flames rising from the dead, huh? Anybody I know of?"

"'Chupar' is 'to suck' in Spanish. Just so you know. You'll have to learn to conjugate it yourself. But yeah, he threw some exploding turd thing at me and then vanished like the Frou Frou O'Nancypants he is. I mean, for the sake of fuck, 'I'm a wizard, I do not use telephones'... like I'M somehow the idiot for suggesting that a guy who uses his pencildick stick for everything might POSSIBLY consider joining the rest of us Wuzzles in the 23.5 century. What I don't get is why Dez managed to stay cool and this guy sucks harder than a black hole on prom night."

"So no, I didn't ice him. I kinda like not having tentacles, no matter what that prickolini Agent X says. Agent X, christ. More like BRAND X, YOU GENERIC-ASS CHUMP."

"But yeah.. no. Nobody you know, no one you need to make your business. You need any cashish? Los Assholes can get pricey."

"Nah, I'm okay for cash right now, actually." Surprise. Well, what d'ya expect? He's already pissed that you saw so much of his past in the Game. Like he's gonna spill that to you. Hah. It is to laugh, Hollister.

"What I really could use, though, is documentation. Driver's license. Social Security card. Birth certificate. All that shiznit that Dez and I never got around to whipping up because we're both the laziest bitches on the planet. Two sets, actually. One for me, one for Tee. If Dez tears up that letter without reading it, which is what she'll probably do I'm sure, I'm here for the foreseeable future.

"Got a paper-maker in your stable of mercs and misfits, Wade?"

"Know a guy who knows a guy, hook you up right. Actually, I just know a guy. I don't think the guy I know knows any other guys. Dates his left hand, y'know. I'll give you a call in a day or two, find out where you are and deliver the goods... hell, I can probably even set you up with some digs out there, you really need it. I know a guy who hates a guy..."

"...Let's hold off on the permanent address thing until I know what Dez's reaction to that letter is. I'd hate to put all those eggs in a basket that I'm gonna end up ditching. Besides, I've always dug motel blankets. They're all fuzzy, like a wee baby duck. A very filthy baby duck. That's probably had people fucking on it.

"Okay, going there was a mistake and I'm moving on.

"...I miss you." Oh, smeg. Here we go...

"..."

"Well, you'll be seein' me pretty damn quick-like once I get this shit done for you. So, what, you write that letter saying 'sorry I flipped, can I come back now?' Because going back there means living with The Human Stain, you know."

"Heh. That was the basic jist of it, yeah.

"She's my best friend, Wade. I mean, I love Jun, and Key, and JP and Greg. They're my friends, too. I know I'm not completely friendless. But... Dez is my sister. She's family.

"And besides. She's packing up and moving to Wales to live with him, the last I heard. So I'd be the 'official keeper of Mayfair' or some such bullshit. Hell, maybe I could shack up with Thunder and we could do our own sick and twisted version of Ozzie and Harriet. I'd bake the cookies, he'd question the basic tenents of human civilization until I punched him in the nuts. Black and white sitcom-ville, here we come."

She lights up a smoke. "When can you get me the paperwork? And please do NOT give Tee a clunker name. Something simple. Tom Smith." Then she sniggers. "Tom 'Cracker' Smith."

"Here's a clue, Hips. I really don't think you need to write the letter. You could just pop on back and they'll go 'holy crap, you're back, we wuz all worried-like!' Most you'll get is a slap in the jibs for being flaky or whatever, and I'd say just slap the hell back, because she's gonna have to realize she's married to a guy you can't help but throw salt at to see if he dissolves painfully."

"But never you worry, li'l missy. I'll make sure Jim Bemo's got a good, quality, all-American name. Like Boceefus McGriddle."

"Look, I gots ta get rollin', but I just wanted to check up, make sure you're okay. Let you know Snape sucks and I have a big ass gun that I'm going to figure out how to fire eventually. Hit me up, you need anything else, all right? I gotcher back. Give KarEmo Abdul-Jabbar a good... uh... hearty handshake for me, all right?"

Even he couldn't quite go there.

"Well, too late now. Letter's written and mailed. But I guess you're right. I... I can't yet, Wade. I'm a fucking coward. But that's news to nobody.

"And don't you DARE drop McGriddle on Tee!" she laughs.

"Thanks, Wade. I'm glad you've got me covered. Because I've got your behind too, ya know. Well, if you're ever in a position where your backside needs covering, anyway. I'm the boxer shorts of the soul."

Then, the hesitation. Oh, fuck that noise. He's not getting away with that.

"The 'shopping around' will go well, that I promise. Since it was your idea and everything, I want to give it my all. Gotta get good grades for teacher."

...

"Right."

...

"Enjoy yourself, babe. See you 'round the campfire."

*click*

...

Fuck.

Ironic part? She hadn't done anything more sexy than a couple of smooches since the two of them got to LA.

Oh, tra la la. Way to go.

Fuck!

She hangs up her phone and falls back on the cheap bed, making it creak.

"I. Am so. Fucked up. I. Am such. A dumbass..."

((YOU JUST MADE ME FALL. OFF. MY CHAIR. You totally suck!

...

Do it some more. *wicked*))

((OMFG! I laughed and I laughed some more! Why oh why can't one of Snape and Wade's tirades be on like Sages. Tonks would laugh and laugh and laugh some more... Tee! ))

(( That icon is WAY too ridiculously cute, you know. ))

((Oh, look who's talking.))

(( Oh, I just drew that one. It can't be cute. ))

((*dies* I STILL WANT A DEADPOOL PLUSHIE DAMMIT!))

((Thank you, I know! It's such a Tonks' face though!

And now as I stare at your icon I'm picturing Charlie!Wade trying to punt a football and at the last minute Theresa jerking it away. Argh!))

"I could have told you that."

Thunder leans against the corner wall of the main room, with a small, joking smile on his face.

No telling how long he was there.

"Tee!" She props herself up on her elbows, giving him a squint and a smirk. "When did you get back?"

"Been back. I was in the bathroom when you got back... didn't hear you come in. Wilson plans to help us out with our documents?"

Oops.

"Yeah. He'll probably swing by with them tomorrow or the next day. Um. I promise I will never actually punch you... anywhere, Tee."

She's blushing deep red. Her mouth has, once again, gotten her b-u-s-t-e-d.

"I'm surprised you haven't punched me already," he responds, seemingly in good humor about that. "Trust me, any time you want to punch me, I've already wanted to punch myself... or hit myself with a hammer or something."

"Heh. Join the club." She reaches out a hand to him. "How are you feeling? We haven't really had a chance to chat since I pulled my Flo Jo routine."

He pretends to know what that means and takes her hand.

"I'm feeling weird, but I'm always feeling weird. You sent a message to Nadezhda? Did you tell her that her plans are stupid?"

"Not... exactly. I was trying to avoid the whole 'you are making a terrible mistake' thing with her, since that's what got us here to begin with."

She squeezes his hand, and pulls him a bit closer to her. "If we go back, Tee, I'll help you find a place of your own, so you don't have to put your head back in that bear trap. If we don't go back... Um. Well, I suppose we could share a place here, if you want.

"Of course, it's way too soon to think about cohabitation, but hey. I'm brash like that."

He cocks an eyebrow at this, pulled closer, his hand stroking her hair back idly. "Are we not cohabitating already here?"

Bzuh...?

Holy smeg. So they are. Gah! Aak.

"Um. I meant cohabitating on a more permanent basis. In an actual apartment or house with bills to pay and bugs to kill and dishes to do. I'm going to say that the two of us moping in a motel does not count."

Because if it did count, I'd freak out.

"But the three of us living at the Mayfair place didn't count either, then? Even if I wasn't there often enough to make it really seem like it's where I kept all my things?"

"Well, we weren't together then, Tee."

Ah. Ah hah. Time to bust out the old essplainin'.

"See, when two people live together, and they're involved romantically, it's a big commitment. Not as big as, say, getting married, but it's still a big step. So when I said 'cohabitation,' it implied that you and I were serious about being together on a permanent basis. And, as much as I like you, Tee, I don't think either of us are ready for that. Not yet, anyway. Time will tell."

He thinks on this a moment... and then his eyes roll.

"Why are so many humans so bent on putting fences and 'KEEP OUT' signs on their emotions?"

He pulls away and heads over to the window. A much less enticing view than the Savoy. "Does EVERYTHING have to be based on annexing people and things for yourself? Based on greed and... being obsessed with property rights to other people?"

Whoa. Where the hell did that come from? Is EVERY man in her life fated to be this weird about intimacy? Christ.

"Now, slow down there, Thundercracker, I am NOT saying that at all. I'm saying that that's what it implied. Get your shorts out of the knot they're in and come here." Her use of his full name may show how annoyed she is.

"I, for one, do not put a fence around my emotions, as you may have smegging well noticed. I probably should, but I don't. Besides, emotions and love aren't just something you can toss about willy nilly to everybody and their uncle. Love is precious. It's a gift between you and the person or people you share it with. Love isn't about owning. It's about sharing. Sharing yourself with another person. Down to your deepest soul. Love is about happiness.

"Call it greed. But happiness is a selfish emotion, Tee. No two people are happy in exactly the same way. That's the good kind of selfish. The kind that says, 'Hey, this really neat thing I've done is mine and it makes me happy. I'm proud of it and I'm going to work very hard to keep it.' Don't tell me that Decepticons weren't proud of their accomplishments. People are too.

"Love is an accomplishment. It's a pinnacle. Something worked for and achieved. So excuse us crazy ass dumb humans for wanting to keep that private and secret and cherished and not tossed out for common pawing by every mouth-breathing knucklehead that happens to beat down the door."

Whoa. Where the hell did THAT come from?

"Decepticons are aftholes. And how can love be about SHARING and also be about keeping it away from people? That doesn't make any sense. Yes, some jerks don't deserve it, so keep it from THOSE fools. But it's completely contradictory to suggest that love is about sharing yourself, but only with ONE OTHER BEING. Because that's not really sharing. 'I'm going to work very hard to keep it away from everyone else and just have it for myself.' I don't see how there is a 'good' kind of selfish."

Until a month or so ago, he had absolutely no concept of intimacy. So yeah, he's weird about it.

She closes her eyes and falls back on the bed. A few deep breaths before she can reply, because he's pushing her buttons again. And that little admission to herself what love was... shook her up good.

"Because the whole of human civilization has been set up that way from pretty much day one, Tee. There's thousands years worth of reasons as to why, but since I'm a retard, I can't explain them to you clearly without writing a smegging thesis paper. We'll start digging up books on philosophy, history, psychology, whatnot at the library soon. Because that's really the only way you're gonna get a satisfactory answer on that.

"That's really the only way EITHER of us will, now that I think about it..."

Thunder shakes his head.

"And I've been fighting and maiming and killing for about eight million years, and I can realize a point to try and change useless habits based on tradition."

Then... he sighs, and lets out the tension.

"I'm... sorry to be combative. I'm going to run down to the 7-11. Do you need anything?"

...eight... million... holy smeg...

"Y-yeah. A diet cherry Pepsi, please."

She stands up and crosses to him, putting her arms around his waist. "I'm sorry, Tee. You're not being combative. I'm being dumb and unclear. I wish I could give you better reasons... Heh. You should read Stranger in a Strange Land, you'd probably like it."

Her arms around his waist do manage to ease his tension significantly, and he sighs into a smile.

"The title alone seems to fit me."

He leans down, taking her face in his hands, and kisses her with a perhaps surprising depth.

Then, in a whisper...

"I wouldn't dream of denying you the experience of love, no matter where you may find it. It's too rare, too intense... too precious an experience to be denied to another worthy being."

A small smile, and a kiss upon her nose.

"One diet cherry Pepsi, coming up."

With that, he pulls away from her, his finger trailing along her chin for a moment, his smile still there, wider than it usually is, while his eyes remain with hers until he has to turn away to head out the door.

Oh, wow...

As the door closes behind him, she falls back on the bed, a big, dumb grin on her face.

"Okay," she finally answers, to the empty room.

Oh, wow...

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Still in Los Angeles

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