Still in Los Angeles

[h_hollister]

Staring out at the ocean at sunset on the end of the Santa Monica pier was supposed to be romantic, right?

Well, it was if you were actually there with somebody.

Alone, she watched the ferris wheel, the midway games, the roller coaster, light up with neon and tiny blinking bulbs. It all smelled of the ocean and hot dogs and tar and Los Angeles. Leaning back against the pier's railing, watching the fishermen pack up their gear for the day, watching the homeless unpack theirs for the night.

People watching. She loved people watching. After two years of being one of only six people left alive anywhere in the universe, having strangers around her again was something of a giddy relief.

Her time spent in the Nexus was starting to seem unreal. A world apart from this little ball of dumb she'd ensconced herself in.

Normal. Things were normal. Her life was normal. She'd been craving normal.

So why did it all suck so bad? Oh, right, she acted like a complete twat and pushed all her friends away.

She could hear Key now. "GIRL YOU ARE ACTING SO EMO KNOCK IT OFF OR I'LL SLAP YOU GOOD." Heh. Sorry, Key. Beds to be laid in, here. Since I made it this way, you know.

She decided on a whim to peek into the Nexus, see if there was anything interesting going on. Hide in the shadows, stay on the down low, keep herself to herself, yadda yadda yadda.

Walking down under the pier, she made a quick glance about for anybody, felt no eyes on her, and PINpointed into the Nexus.

Nothing really all that world shattering la la l...

Oh.

Oh.

Smeg.

She didn't even bother to stick around to reply. She PINpointed outta there right quick. Back to LA. Back to her ball of suck.

She remembered her time in Better Than Life, staring out at the Pacific again. How he'd come in after her. How he'd grabbed her out of the 'ocean' when that damn Game overwrote her consciousness and demanded that she go surfing.

He didn't believe her. And he never would. Beauty.

She made her way back to the Motel 6, wondering if Thunder would even be around. Funny. It seemed like they'd been avoiding each other. He was probably just as confused and as hurt as she was by all of this.

Bugger. Bloody smegging buggery buggery fuck.

That letter better arrive soon...

Comments

[h-hollister.livejournal.com]

Oops.

"Yeah. He'll probably swing by with them tomorrow or the next day. Um. I promise I will never actually punch you... anywhere, Tee."

She's blushing deep red. Her mouth has, once again, gotten her b-u-s-t-e-d.

[crackofthunder.livejournal.com]

"I'm surprised you haven't punched me already," he responds, seemingly in good humor about that. "Trust me, any time you want to punch me, I've already wanted to punch myself... or hit myself with a hammer or something."

[h-hollister.livejournal.com]

"Heh. Join the club." She reaches out a hand to him. "How are you feeling? We haven't really had a chance to chat since I pulled my Flo Jo routine."

[crackofthunder.livejournal.com]

He pretends to know what that means and takes her hand.

"I'm feeling weird, but I'm always feeling weird. You sent a message to Nadezhda? Did you tell her that her plans are stupid?"

[h-hollister.livejournal.com]

"Not... exactly. I was trying to avoid the whole 'you are making a terrible mistake' thing with her, since that's what got us here to begin with."

She squeezes his hand, and pulls him a bit closer to her. "If we go back, Tee, I'll help you find a place of your own, so you don't have to put your head back in that bear trap. If we don't go back... Um. Well, I suppose we could share a place here, if you want.

"Of course, it's way too soon to think about cohabitation, but hey. I'm brash like that."

[crackofthunder.livejournal.com]

He cocks an eyebrow at this, pulled closer, his hand stroking her hair back idly. "Are we not cohabitating already here?"

[h-hollister.livejournal.com]

Bzuh...?

Holy smeg. So they are. Gah! Aak.

"Um. I meant cohabitating on a more permanent basis. In an actual apartment or house with bills to pay and bugs to kill and dishes to do. I'm going to say that the two of us moping in a motel does not count."

Because if it did count, I'd freak out.

[crackofthunder.livejournal.com]

"But the three of us living at the Mayfair place didn't count either, then? Even if I wasn't there often enough to make it really seem like it's where I kept all my things?"

[h-hollister.livejournal.com]

"Well, we weren't together then, Tee."

Ah. Ah hah. Time to bust out the old essplainin'.

"See, when two people live together, and they're involved romantically, it's a big commitment. Not as big as, say, getting married, but it's still a big step. So when I said 'cohabitation,' it implied that you and I were serious about being together on a permanent basis. And, as much as I like you, Tee, I don't think either of us are ready for that. Not yet, anyway. Time will tell."

[crackofthunder.livejournal.com]

He thinks on this a moment... and then his eyes roll.

"Why are so many humans so bent on putting fences and 'KEEP OUT' signs on their emotions?"

He pulls away and heads over to the window. A much less enticing view than the Savoy. "Does EVERYTHING have to be based on annexing people and things for yourself? Based on greed and... being obsessed with property rights to other people?"

[h-hollister.livejournal.com]

Whoa. Where the hell did that come from? Is EVERY man in her life fated to be this weird about intimacy? Christ.

"Now, slow down there, Thundercracker, I am NOT saying that at all. I'm saying that that's what it implied. Get your shorts out of the knot they're in and come here." Her use of his full name may show how annoyed she is.

"I, for one, do not put a fence around my emotions, as you may have smegging well noticed. I probably should, but I don't. Besides, emotions and love aren't just something you can toss about willy nilly to everybody and their uncle. Love is precious. It's a gift between you and the person or people you share it with. Love isn't about owning. It's about sharing. Sharing yourself with another person. Down to your deepest soul. Love is about happiness.

"Call it greed. But happiness is a selfish emotion, Tee. No two people are happy in exactly the same way. That's the good kind of selfish. The kind that says, 'Hey, this really neat thing I've done is mine and it makes me happy. I'm proud of it and I'm going to work very hard to keep it.' Don't tell me that Decepticons weren't proud of their accomplishments. People are too.

"Love is an accomplishment. It's a pinnacle. Something worked for and achieved. So excuse us crazy ass dumb humans for wanting to keep that private and secret and cherished and not tossed out for common pawing by every mouth-breathing knucklehead that happens to beat down the door."

Whoa. Where the hell did THAT come from?

[crackofthunder.livejournal.com]

"Decepticons are aftholes. And how can love be about SHARING and also be about keeping it away from people? That doesn't make any sense. Yes, some jerks don't deserve it, so keep it from THOSE fools. But it's completely contradictory to suggest that love is about sharing yourself, but only with ONE OTHER BEING. Because that's not really sharing. 'I'm going to work very hard to keep it away from everyone else and just have it for myself.' I don't see how there is a 'good' kind of selfish."

Until a month or so ago, he had absolutely no concept of intimacy. So yeah, he's weird about it.

[h-hollister.livejournal.com]

She closes her eyes and falls back on the bed. A few deep breaths before she can reply, because he's pushing her buttons again. And that little admission to herself what love was... shook her up good.

"Because the whole of human civilization has been set up that way from pretty much day one, Tee. There's thousands years worth of reasons as to why, but since I'm a retard, I can't explain them to you clearly without writing a smegging thesis paper. We'll start digging up books on philosophy, history, psychology, whatnot at the library soon. Because that's really the only way you're gonna get a satisfactory answer on that.

"That's really the only way EITHER of us will, now that I think about it..."

[crackofthunder.livejournal.com]

Thunder shakes his head.

"And I've been fighting and maiming and killing for about eight million years, and I can realize a point to try and change useless habits based on tradition."

Then... he sighs, and lets out the tension.

"I'm... sorry to be combative. I'm going to run down to the 7-11. Do you need anything?"

[h-hollister.livejournal.com]

...eight... million... holy smeg...

"Y-yeah. A diet cherry Pepsi, please."

She stands up and crosses to him, putting her arms around his waist. "I'm sorry, Tee. You're not being combative. I'm being dumb and unclear. I wish I could give you better reasons... Heh. You should read Stranger in a Strange Land, you'd probably like it."

[crackofthunder.livejournal.com]

Her arms around his waist do manage to ease his tension significantly, and he sighs into a smile.

"The title alone seems to fit me."

He leans down, taking her face in his hands, and kisses her with a perhaps surprising depth.

Then, in a whisper...

"I wouldn't dream of denying you the experience of love, no matter where you may find it. It's too rare, too intense... too precious an experience to be denied to another worthy being."

A small smile, and a kiss upon her nose.

"One diet cherry Pepsi, coming up."

With that, he pulls away from her, his finger trailing along her chin for a moment, his smile still there, wider than it usually is, while his eyes remain with hers until he has to turn away to head out the door.

[h-hollister.livejournal.com]

Oh, wow...

As the door closes behind him, she falls back on the bed, a big, dumb grin on her face.

"Okay," she finally answers, to the empty room.

Oh, wow...