Still in Los Angeles

[h_hollister]

Staring out at the ocean at sunset on the end of the Santa Monica pier was supposed to be romantic, right?

Well, it was if you were actually there with somebody.

Alone, she watched the ferris wheel, the midway games, the roller coaster, light up with neon and tiny blinking bulbs. It all smelled of the ocean and hot dogs and tar and Los Angeles. Leaning back against the pier's railing, watching the fishermen pack up their gear for the day, watching the homeless unpack theirs for the night.

People watching. She loved people watching. After two years of being one of only six people left alive anywhere in the universe, having strangers around her again was something of a giddy relief.

Her time spent in the Nexus was starting to seem unreal. A world apart from this little ball of dumb she'd ensconced herself in.

Normal. Things were normal. Her life was normal. She'd been craving normal.

So why did it all suck so bad? Oh, right, she acted like a complete twat and pushed all her friends away.

She could hear Key now. "GIRL YOU ARE ACTING SO EMO KNOCK IT OFF OR I'LL SLAP YOU GOOD." Heh. Sorry, Key. Beds to be laid in, here. Since I made it this way, you know.

She decided on a whim to peek into the Nexus, see if there was anything interesting going on. Hide in the shadows, stay on the down low, keep herself to herself, yadda yadda yadda.

Walking down under the pier, she made a quick glance about for anybody, felt no eyes on her, and PINpointed into the Nexus.

Nothing really all that world shattering la la l...

Oh.

Oh.

Smeg.

She didn't even bother to stick around to reply. She PINpointed outta there right quick. Back to LA. Back to her ball of suck.

She remembered her time in Better Than Life, staring out at the Pacific again. How he'd come in after her. How he'd grabbed her out of the 'ocean' when that damn Game overwrote her consciousness and demanded that she go surfing.

He didn't believe her. And he never would. Beauty.

She made her way back to the Motel 6, wondering if Thunder would even be around. Funny. It seemed like they'd been avoiding each other. He was probably just as confused and as hurt as she was by all of this.

Bugger. Bloody smegging buggery buggery fuck.

That letter better arrive soon...

Comments

[h-hollister.livejournal.com]

Oh.

Oh, smeg.

Goddamn caller ID.

*ring*

Goddamn Nexus.

*ring*

Oh, goddamn him.

*rin-*

"Hello?"

[wadewilson.livejournal.com]

"Beep-Beep Hip-Tang! Whaz happ'nin', baby?"

[h-hollister.livejournal.com]

"Not much. Chillin'. Eating a hot dog from the Santa Monica pier. Wondering if my best friend'll ever speak to me again. Getting all hot and bothered with the former robot."

There. Happy, Wade? Goddamn it.

"Why, what's happening with you?"

[wadewilson.livejournal.com]

"Waiiiit a minute, you're tellin' me of ALL the places you could Carmen Sandiego your ass off to, and you pick Shitholopolis?"

...

"And you got Emo Williams with you?"

[h-hollister.livejournal.com]

"Eh, I'd never been before. Wanted to see if I could get on that tram and punch the animatronic shark. That movie seriously traumatized me when I was a kid."

...

"Yeah. I'm with Tee. He's out wandering again. I think he's trying to convince himself that I'm sane, or something."

[wadewilson.livejournal.com]

"Well, here's some funsies for you. A.) Snape doesn't know how to use a telephone. B.) Snape's into some REAAAALY gross things. C.) I've got your gun for safe keeping. 4.) Snape sucks more ass than an accountant in prison. F.) They make an all-Crunchberries cereal now. Q.) Snape thought you were good buddies and was all discomfuckulated when it turns out you know that he sucks, and that's funny. Y.) Everyone'll breathe easier knowing where you are."

"So, how's Emo Phillips? He learn that urinal cakes are not really cake yet?"

[h-hollister.livejournal.com]

"Wait, you and Snape had a pissing contest? And I missed it? Smegging hell! I hope you schooled his greasy ass, Wade."

Why am I shaking?

"I sent Dez a letter. If the USPS don't fuck it up as per usual, she should get it any day now. So fret not about that last point. I'm sorry I didn't tell you where I was going. I just had to bolt. It happens. You of all people should know that. And you goddamn well better give me my bazookoid back when I see you again. You've got enough toys that go boom.

"And Tee's..." ...really good in the sack and I'm kinda falling for him and shit I don't know what to do now Wade... "...fine. Getting a bit more used to being human. Hasn't set anybody on fire this week. Yet.

"Anything new with you?"

If you say nothing, Wade Wilson, I will throw the phone across the room, I swear I will.

[wadewilson.livejournal.com]

"There was no PISSING involved. Jeez, what is it with you people and your scatological fetishes?"

"But hey, don't worry your foxy little ass about bolting. Christ, if my best friend was dead-set on marrying the greasiest prick this side of Slimer, I'd scram the hell outta Hoboken, too. I bet Louis Pr-Emo there was happy to skedaddle, too. I mean, the guy throws turds at people - he's like a monkey that somehow thinks he's more highly evolved than you are. Koko the gorilla can use a phone and he can't? What a maroon!"

"Anyway, it's just the usual bullshit on my end - multiple futile pinings, old flames rising from the dead, tryin' to get my hip-hop career off the ground. Whatcha think, is Smoove Papa Wade too old-school?"

[h-hollister.livejournal.com]

"Yeah. Snape sucks serious amounts of suck. What a dillhole he is. I'm going to have to bust out my thesaurus so I can have all manner of synonyms for 'suck' on hand.... Wait. He literally threw shit at you? Oh, my god. Wade? You killed him, right? You pulled the merc-with-a-mouth bit and blew a hole right in his concave chest, yes?"

Then, trying to sound casual.

"Old flames rising from the dead, huh? Anybody I know of?"

[wadewilson.livejournal.com]

"'Chupar' is 'to suck' in Spanish. Just so you know. You'll have to learn to conjugate it yourself. But yeah, he threw some exploding turd thing at me and then vanished like the Frou Frou O'Nancypants he is. I mean, for the sake of fuck, 'I'm a wizard, I do not use telephones'... like I'M somehow the idiot for suggesting that a guy who uses his pencildick stick for everything might POSSIBLY consider joining the rest of us Wuzzles in the 23.5 century. What I don't get is why Dez managed to stay cool and this guy sucks harder than a black hole on prom night."

"So no, I didn't ice him. I kinda like not having tentacles, no matter what that prickolini Agent X says. Agent X, christ. More like BRAND X, YOU GENERIC-ASS CHUMP."

"But yeah.. no. Nobody you know, no one you need to make your business. You need any cashish? Los Assholes can get pricey."

[h-hollister.livejournal.com]

"Nah, I'm okay for cash right now, actually." Surprise. Well, what d'ya expect? He's already pissed that you saw so much of his past in the Game. Like he's gonna spill that to you. Hah. It is to laugh, Hollister.

"What I really could use, though, is documentation. Driver's license. Social Security card. Birth certificate. All that shiznit that Dez and I never got around to whipping up because we're both the laziest bitches on the planet. Two sets, actually. One for me, one for Tee. If Dez tears up that letter without reading it, which is what she'll probably do I'm sure, I'm here for the foreseeable future.

"Got a paper-maker in your stable of mercs and misfits, Wade?"

[wadewilson.livejournal.com]

"Know a guy who knows a guy, hook you up right. Actually, I just know a guy. I don't think the guy I know knows any other guys. Dates his left hand, y'know. I'll give you a call in a day or two, find out where you are and deliver the goods... hell, I can probably even set you up with some digs out there, you really need it. I know a guy who hates a guy..."

[h-hollister.livejournal.com]

"...Let's hold off on the permanent address thing until I know what Dez's reaction to that letter is. I'd hate to put all those eggs in a basket that I'm gonna end up ditching. Besides, I've always dug motel blankets. They're all fuzzy, like a wee baby duck. A very filthy baby duck. That's probably had people fucking on it.

"Okay, going there was a mistake and I'm moving on.

"...I miss you." Oh, smeg. Here we go...

[wadewilson.livejournal.com]

"..."

"Well, you'll be seein' me pretty damn quick-like once I get this shit done for you. So, what, you write that letter saying 'sorry I flipped, can I come back now?' Because going back there means living with The Human Stain, you know."

[h-hollister.livejournal.com]

"Heh. That was the basic jist of it, yeah.

"She's my best friend, Wade. I mean, I love Jun, and Key, and JP and Greg. They're my friends, too. I know I'm not completely friendless. But... Dez is my sister. She's family.

"And besides. She's packing up and moving to Wales to live with him, the last I heard. So I'd be the 'official keeper of Mayfair' or some such bullshit. Hell, maybe I could shack up with Thunder and we could do our own sick and twisted version of Ozzie and Harriet. I'd bake the cookies, he'd question the basic tenents of human civilization until I punched him in the nuts. Black and white sitcom-ville, here we come."

She lights up a smoke. "When can you get me the paperwork? And please do NOT give Tee a clunker name. Something simple. Tom Smith." Then she sniggers. "Tom 'Cracker' Smith."

[wadewilson.livejournal.com]

"Here's a clue, Hips. I really don't think you need to write the letter. You could just pop on back and they'll go 'holy crap, you're back, we wuz all worried-like!' Most you'll get is a slap in the jibs for being flaky or whatever, and I'd say just slap the hell back, because she's gonna have to realize she's married to a guy you can't help but throw salt at to see if he dissolves painfully."

"But never you worry, li'l missy. I'll make sure Jim Bemo's got a good, quality, all-American name. Like Boceefus McGriddle."

"Look, I gots ta get rollin', but I just wanted to check up, make sure you're okay. Let you know Snape sucks and I have a big ass gun that I'm going to figure out how to fire eventually. Hit me up, you need anything else, all right? I gotcher back. Give KarEmo Abdul-Jabbar a good... uh... hearty handshake for me, all right?"

Even he couldn't quite go there.

[h-hollister.livejournal.com]

"Well, too late now. Letter's written and mailed. But I guess you're right. I... I can't yet, Wade. I'm a fucking coward. But that's news to nobody.

"And don't you DARE drop McGriddle on Tee!" she laughs.

"Thanks, Wade. I'm glad you've got me covered. Because I've got your behind too, ya know. Well, if you're ever in a position where your backside needs covering, anyway. I'm the boxer shorts of the soul."

Then, the hesitation. Oh, fuck that noise. He's not getting away with that.

"The 'shopping around' will go well, that I promise. Since it was your idea and everything, I want to give it my all. Gotta get good grades for teacher."

[wadewilson.livejournal.com]

...

"Right."

...

"Enjoy yourself, babe. See you 'round the campfire."

*click*

[h-hollister.livejournal.com]

...

Fuck.

Ironic part? She hadn't done anything more sexy than a couple of smooches since the two of them got to LA.

Oh, tra la la. Way to go.

Fuck!

She hangs up her phone and falls back on the cheap bed, making it creak.

"I. Am so. Fucked up. I. Am such. A dumbass..."

[slytherin-spy.livejournal.com]

((YOU JUST MADE ME FALL. OFF. MY CHAIR. You totally suck!

...

Do it some more. *wicked*))

[a-klutzy-auror.livejournal.com]

((OMFG! I laughed and I laughed some more! Why oh why can't one of Snape and Wade's tirades be on like Sages. Tonks would laugh and laugh and laugh some more... Tee! ))

[wadewilson.livejournal.com]

(( That icon is WAY too ridiculously cute, you know. ))

[h-hollister.livejournal.com]

((Oh, look who's talking.))

[wadewilson.livejournal.com]

(( Oh, I just drew that one. It can't be cute. ))

[h-hollister.livejournal.com]

((*dies* I STILL WANT A DEADPOOL PLUSHIE DAMMIT!))

[a-klutzy-auror.livejournal.com]

((Thank you, I know! It's such a Tonks' face though!

And now as I stare at your icon I'm picturing Charlie!Wade trying to punt a football and at the last minute Theresa jerking it away. Argh!))